In her essay, “Resisting Altruism: How Systematic Power and Privilege Become Personal in One-on-One Community Tutoring,” Beth Godbee asks us to consider the systematic can become personal through tutor-writer (or in our case facilitator-writer/reader) relationships. We raised some of these issues at the “Writing and Trauma” reading when we discussed how we might create appropriate relationships and experiences with our community writers/partners. What is your thinking on this? Where do you create boundaries in your relationships? How do those boundaries work to challenge or reify power relations?
At Turning Point, I am still learning where to put my boundaries with the guys. Each relationship with each writer is different and new, sometimes perplexing scenarios arise.
First of all, let me describe my position of privilege, as compared to the Turning Point guys, as I understand it. I am in Graduate School at CSU. I am a white, straight, middle class male. My parents both hold advanced degrees. Just the fact that I am in graduate school speaks to my success as a student; it means, in my case, that I have had the support of my parents and several teachers during my academic career. I did struggle to a degree with alcohol and drugs in high school. My peers and I experimented, and it put a strain on my relationship with my parents and I was nearly arrested a few times, but I was never caught (I realize that when it comes to alcohol and drugs, “experimenting” is a term of the privileged). I was fortunate enough to transition into college and then professional life, then graduate school, where I learned and had the privilege to learn to consume alcohol in a responsible manner.
Many of the guys I work with at Turning Point come from broken homes. Substance abuse and physical abuse has been a part of their reality. They often haven’t associated drinking with anything resembling responsibility. Many have had negative experiences with school. Many have had trouble with substance abuse and have gotten caught up with the law.
So, clearly, there is quite a divide in privilege between me and the guys. I often don’t focus on myself as a graduate student as workshop facilitator, but try to be just another writer in the group. But, simultaneously, I still lead the group, and I still speak truthfully about my place at CSU if asked.
Back to the initial question of boundaries: I still struggle with this. Just last night, one of the guys spoke about looking for a job and asked me if I could get him a job or if I knew about any part-time jobs out there for him. I empathized with him; but I didn’t really know of any. No one likes looking for a job, especially if the job search is a series of strikeouts. But is this my responsibility? In some ways, it seemed much more crucial to his life at the moment than the writing prompt we were working on. What more could I say than, “yeah, that’s rough, I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”
So, in my place of privilege, I do struggle with this boundary question. Like the above situation of being asked if I can help find a Turning Point writer a job, I have also been asked for my personal number, to stay in touch with the guys after they leave. In most cases, there is a part of me that really wants to help these guys and/or befriend them outside of workshop, but there are issues of personal space as well as personal time to consider.
But, while personal boundaries in this sense can be difficult to negotiate, in an other sense, my boundaries are also equally challenged in a positive way. For example, as a writer, I am often amazed at the guys ability to get right to the emotional point they are trying to make with their work. As I write along with them, I feel that for whatever reason — academics, my experience as a journalist, etc.– I have a really hard time writing something emotionally naked, especially a poem, all the way through. I am often used to backing out into detached surreality, non sequiturs, humor and other escape hatches from emotionally clearity. The guys challenge me with this nearly every session.
So the boundaries work both ways. Sometimes I have to reign mine back in, sometimes my boundaries are happily destroyed in other ways. I think, untimately, it is good for someone my age (late 20s) to be in weekly contact with these teenagers. Not, as Beth Godbee, writes, for altruistic reasons (for me to bring them my knowledge and goodwill from on high), but for us influence and inform eachother, from our different places in the system of privilage.